Actual Insurance Excuses

The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.

The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.

I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.

The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.

I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my
amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.

The water from my radiator accidently froze at twelve midnight.

The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.

I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.

After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in
my favour.

I collided with a stationary tree.

There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.

The accident was due to the road bending.

The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more
correct in calling him a garage proprietor.

The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.

I told the other idiot what he was and went on.

One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accellerator
pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the
trunk of a tree.

I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to
and saw P.C. Brown.

A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow
was half-witted.

A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because
he gored my car.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it
would not have happened.

She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.

I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.

I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady
was evidently trying to pass me.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
haven`t got.

Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back
and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed
at the time.

Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.

A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.

I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.

I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a
fifth.

I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.

A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into
his luggage grid.

I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or
design it ran away.

The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its
intentions.

I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was
taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.

I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out
when I put my head through it.

I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it
was the other one.

I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been
knocked over before.

I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn`t
find it.

By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have
been worse.

I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to
hospital where I sustained serious injuries.

The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its
intention.

A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife`s face.

The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and
I did not see the other car.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a
place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to
stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I
found I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of
the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over
him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the
bonnet of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in
a ditch by some stray boys.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out
of the way when I struck the front end.

Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus;
the bus was five minutes early.

The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.

________________________________

A man woke up one morning, looked out the window, and saw a huge gorilla in the tree in his back yard. Feeling very nervous, he grabbed the phone book and looked up gorilla exterminators in the Yellow Pages. He called the exterminator, who said he would be right out.

The exterminator arrived in a van, hopped out, and opened the door. He took out a large net, a shotgun, and a fierce-looking dog.

"OK", he said, "this is how it works: I climb the tree and shake it and the gorilla falls to the ground. The dog runs over and bites him in a vital spot. While he's disabled, you throw the net over him. I'll come down and we'll tie him up."

As the exterminator started up the tree, the man called, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

The exterminator said, "Sometimes when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes it back and *I* fall out of the tree. If that happens, you shoot the dog."