A famous tennis player walks into the doctors office and says , "I need to see the doctor." The nurse tells him to go pee in the cup. He asks her why. She says, "Don`t ask questions sir, just pee in the cup please." So the doctor comes out in about 5 minutes and says, "Let`s set up an appointment for Thursday about your Tennis Elbow." He looks confused. "How did you know I had Tennis Elbow?" he asks. Oh well we have this new machine that tests your urine sample and tells us what is
wrong with you. So he goes home.

It gets closer and closer time for him to go to the doctor. He starts thinking about that urine machine and decides to play a game with the doctors. He has his wife pee in the cup, then he has his daughter pee in the cup, then he jacks off in the cup. On his way to the car, he notices it is leaking oil. So he puts some of that in, and mixes it all together.

He gets to the doctor. The nurse tells him to pee in the cup. Well he goes over to the cup, but he replaces it with his own.

The doctor comes out in a few minutes and says, "Ok smartass. Your daugter is pregnant, your wife has VD, your car is about to blow a rod, and if you don`t stop jacking off your Tennis Elbow isn`t going to get any better.

______________________________

A guy stops to talk to a beautiful woman standing alone by a bus stop. "Hello, I must say, you are about the most beautiful women I have ever met." "Thank you very much, replied the women." The guy quickly follows up, "I was wondering if you'd sleep with me for a million dollars?" "A million dollars!" the girl responds. She thinks for a moment and answers, "yes, I would sleep with you for a million dollars." "How about five bucks," responds the guy. "Five Bucks!, What kind of woman do you think I am?" "We've already determined that," he replies. "Now we are just haggling over money."

________________________________

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"

________________________________