Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It`s simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy`s armada were approaching!
"Captain, captain, we`re in terrible trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my brown pants!"
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SON: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school.Can I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Sure Son, what's the question?"
SON: "What is politics?"
DAD: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so lets call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of the money so we'll call her "Government". We take care of you and your needs, so let's call you "the people". We'll call the maid "the working class" and your babybrother "the future". Do you understand, Son?"
SON: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night, awakened by his babybrother crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room and saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to this room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
SON: "Dad, now I think I understand what politics is."
DAD: "Good, Son. Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
SON: "Well, while CAPITALISM is screwing the WORKING CLASS and the GOVERNMENT is sound asleep, the PEOPLE are being completely ignored and the FUTURE is full of shit."
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A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man. You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"