The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of
the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase
in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the
3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is
disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar
changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical
engineer and a computer engineer.

The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get
the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we
should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug
lead."

They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say:

"Well, what do you think?"

"Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which
cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the
corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen
foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its
head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.