Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. - Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe - Jackie Mason

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Hemant Joshi

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.