Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one
day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too
embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was
seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened
with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

A lady bought a parrot from the pet shop, only to find after taking the bird home, the bird would say nothing but,
"My name is Mary & I'm a whore." Weeks of trying to teach the bird other phrases proved useless, & the bird
still dropped the same line, usually at the most inopportune moments, much to the lady's embarrassment.

One day her parish Priest dropped by for a visit, & sure enough, while he was there the parrot squawked out the
only words it would say. After apologizing profusely to the Priest, the lady explained her bird resisted all efforts
at reformation. The Priest offered to take the bird to visit the two birds he had, as all his birds would say were
Hail Marys while clutching rosaries in their talons, & he was certain they would be a good influence on the lady's
bird. So he took the parrot to his house & put it in the cage with his two birds, & the first words out of the
newcomer's mouth were, "My name is Mary & I'm a whore." The priest, being most anxious to see what would
happen was dumbfounded when one of his birds said to the other,

"Throw that damn rosary away, our prayers have been answered!"