As Mr. Smith was on his deathbed, he attempted to formulate a plan
that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth
with him.

He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer,
his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you
each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place
the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral,
each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I
have to confess something to you fellows.
Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would
have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very
badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I
only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another,
I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the
coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed
sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000
and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the
machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that
Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my
envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full
$30,000."

A bloke is strolling down the street in London where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it
vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the bloke replies "I've always
wanted to be lucky". The genie grants his wish. So off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life,
when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a Ladbrokes
betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky
Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in.
Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole
1010 quid on "lucky seven". Round and round the wheel spins, and bang Lucky Seven. Now he's really flying ....
what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and
enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of
the establishment puts her arm around him and says "Welcome sir. We have much pleasure in informing you
that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl
who works here, absolutely free of charge." The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian
girl....he's ushered into one of the rooms when in strolls the most gorgeous subcontinent he has ever seen. Not
much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pgs 101 to 532) are being
well and truly tested. At one point the bloke pauses and says to the girl "you are one of the most beautiful
women I've ever seen in my life, I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about
Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead. The Indian girl looks him in the eye
and says "sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please
scratch off my red spot". So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts
killing himself laughing. "What's wrong, what's wrong ?" asks the Indian girl. To which the bloke replies, "You're
never going to believe this, but I've just won a car"