Taken from actual car bumper stickers:

BS> "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

BS> "I love cats...they taste just like chicken"

BS> "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

BS> "Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

BS> "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

BS> "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"

BS> "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

BS> "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep"

BS> "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming
BS> and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

BS> "Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

BS> "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

BS> "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
BS> vegetarian."

BS> "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

BS> "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

BS> "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

BS> "Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

BS> "Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."

BS> "Wink, I'll do the rest!"

BS> "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

BS> "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

BS> "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

BS> "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"

BS> "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

BS> "Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"

BS> "Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !"

BS> "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

BS> "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

BS> "We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."

BS> "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

BS> "He who laughs last thinks slowest."

BS> "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

BS> "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

BS> "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

BS> "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

BS> "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

BS> "I souport publik edekasion"

BS> "The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

BS> "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

BS> "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

BS> "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

BS> "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

BS> "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

BS> "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."

BS> "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."

BS> "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."

BS> "Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

BS> "I'm a corporate executive, I keep things from happening."