This cowboy walks into the saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and the cowboy downs it in one
gulp. Immediately he rushes back out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and once again the cowboy
downs it in one gulp then rushes out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

He goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. By this time there are a number of other patrons looking at him with a
fair bit of interest. The bartender decides he'd better ask what's going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.

"So, Cowboy, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the ass?"

The Cowboy (in his best drawl) replies "Chapped lips."

The bartender says with some surprise "Oh, does that cure them?"

The cowboy says "Nope, but it sure stops me lickin' 'em".

Four men were talking about how smart their dogs were.

The first man was an engineer who said his dog, T-Square, could do drafting. He told the dog to get some paper, draw a square, a circle, and a triangle, which he did easily.

The accountant said his dog, Spread-sheet, was smarter. He told his dog to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem.

The chemist said his dog, Beaker, was even smarter. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass, which he did with no problem.

The three men then turned to the government worker and asked what his dog could do.

The government worker called his dog Coffee Break, and told him to show the guys what he could do. Coffee Break then trotted over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for workers' compensation, and left for home on sick leave.