An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father
responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old
woman stepped out.

Smiling, the father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Mother."

Angus McClod: Scotch Connoisseur

Angus McClod walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to go down to the
basement and deplete his supply of the rare and expensive liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that his customer
won't be able to tell the difference. Angus downs the Scotch and says: "My good man, that Scotch is only ten years old. I
specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."

Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and
pours the man a shot.

The customer drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch. I asked for forty-year old Scotch."

So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the customer a drink. By
now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink.

Once again Angus states the true age of the Scotch and repeats his original request for forty-year old Scotch.

The bartender can hold off no longer and disappears into the cellar to get a bottle of prime forty-year old Scotch. Soon, the
bartender returns with the bottle and pours a shot.

Angus downs the Scotch and says, "Now this is forty-year old Scotch!"

The crowd applauds his discriminating palate.

An old drunk who had been watching the proceedings with interest, raises a full shot glass of his own: "I bet you think you're
real smart," slurs the drunk. "Here, take a swig of this."

Rising to the challenge, Angus takes the glass and downs the drink in one swallow. Immediately, he chokes and spits out the
liquid on the barroom floor.

"My God!" Angus exclaims. "That tastes like piss!"

"Great guess," says the drunk. "Now, how old am I?"