Good Morning, Merry Officer
(Sung to the tune of 'God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen)
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Good Morning, Merry Officer
and How are you, today?
I see the frown upon your face,
Looks like it's there to stay.
You look familiar, how do I ...
Oh no, I'm gonna pay!
Last night, I offered you a beer, offered a beer, At our Christmas bash, I offered you a beer.
A little after two last night
We heard the doorbell ring.
but thought it was the music
didn't mean a blessed thing.
Until you blew the hinges off
It must have been a sting.
So I thought I might offer you a beer, offer a beer, To smooth things out I'd offer you a beer.
My friends were gathering around,
and some began to stare.
Or maybe it was alcohol
that gave their eyes that glare.
I wonder how you figured out
that we were quite impaired?
Was it that I handed you a beer, handed a beer.
Did I spoil it all by handing you a beer?

Arrest me, hairy Officer?
Whatever did I do?
I only tried to break the ice
by giving you a Blue.
I didn't mean to laugh before
I threw up on your shoe.
Oh why did I offer you a beer, offer a beer Oh why oh why'd I offer you a beer?
Your female partner was a babe.
I said so, what's the strife?
You didn't have to charge at me
as if I had a knife.
but tell me, how was I to know
she also was your wife?
Should I have offered her a beer, offered a beer, Was she mad because she didn't have a beer?
My head is spinning, stomach turned The pain will not decrease.
What's this, a fine? Two hundred bucks!!
Did we disturb the peace?
It's not our fault the neighbors woke and summoned the police.
I won't offer them a single beer, a single beer, Those neighbors got to get their own damn beer!
We'll have to bring the empties back if we're to pay this fine.
No sir, we won't do this again
Our goals we'll realign.
The next time we are getting drunk
We'll all be drinking wine.
And I won't have to offer you a beer, offer a beer, Too bad, so sad, can't offer you a beer!